Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike
Sat Jul 07, 2007 at 02:33:09 pm EDT
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Threat Level: Red, White, and Blue
Originally
Threat Level: Blood Orange *Very Adult Content Warning*
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killer shrike
Wed Jul 04, 2007 at 09:20:53 pm EDT
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Threat Level: Red, White, and Blue

When Mr. Epitome heard the alarms he immediately whistled for Glory.

“Take Magweed to one of her parents, please, then find me,” he told the young Border collie once she had skidded into view. He then zoomed to his quarters to change. His plan was to reconnect with his partner and then contact Hallie, the Legion’s digitized communications officer, for a situation briefing. This was somewhat simplified when he found the green skinned hologram in his room talking with Katarina.

“Er, situation report?” he asked.

“We were just talking,” Kat answered. If she was amused by the sight of her beau’s discomfort, she gave no sign.

The big man in the flattering Bermuda shorts protested, “That wasn’t what I meant. I was asking about the alarms.”

“Oh, those,” Hallie snickered as she completed compiling the incoming data and searching her database for any relevant details that would support her summary, “Fort Hama is reporting an attack. Intel is sketchy, but it doesn’t sound like Parody forces.”

“Fort Hama?” Kat repeated, her voice cracking slightly, “How serious is the fight?”

“I don’t know.... working identifying the assailants now,” the artificial intelligence sorted through the myriad conversations filtering through the Lair Legion’s comms systems. Meanwhile, the young weaver looked over to Epitome. It was wholly unnecessary for her to tell the man her reason for concern.

Dominic shared a glance with Kat and smiled reassuringly. Then he ducked behind the closet door and scrambled into his uniform. He noted, “Metacrime around the world has been at a historic low since the Parody War started. For someone to attempt an act so brazen indicates a lack of strategy.”

“Or somebody very powerful,” Hallie corrected, “Based on the reports I’m getting it’s the Demolition Gang.”

That was a sobering revelation. Even though he had never crossed their path, Epitome knew the quartet of supercriminals by their reputations:

Prybar: Born Gunthar Swifford, this career criminal suffered a change in fortunes when he came into contact with enchanted crowbar and construction helmet powered by the magicks of the Ausgardian witch the Enthralless. The Sanderson Scale estimated him to have Class 99 strength, stamina, and durability, which let him wield the indestructible weapon with devesating effect.


Wrecking Crane: Mechanical engineer Dr. Michael Crane was made a quadrapeligic after a mishap at an unsafe construction site he was called in to investigate. Blaming the company for his accident, he used his knowledge to design a chassis that gave him the ability to move with powerful, telescoping limbs. Adding a variety of armaments he began a campaign of terror against those he thought wronged him.

Springsaw: A Robo American configured for deep sea salvage operations with several high speed rotary powered saws and drills concealed in his frame. His programming was corrupted by an electromagnetic field, creating a form of psychosis where the robot felt he was “incomplete” unless he “upgraded” himself with “flesh” parts. Medical examinations during his most recent stay in prison estimated his composition at 26% organically based.

Shaped Charge: A freak accident at Xow Chemicals transformed break-in artist and explosives expert Fiona Bonaparte-Meachum into living plastique. In addition to being able to alter her body’s malleability and tensile strength, she can remove portions of herself and detonate them by applying a timed, electric “trigger.” By absorbing the appropriate compounds Fiona can replace what mass she has lost.

“Last threat assessment placed the Demolition Gang in the Ural Mountains,” Epitome stated as he laced up his boots. Whoever brought them to America was quite adept of staying ‘off the grid.’

“Notify the Legion away team of the situation,” he said to Hallie, “Glory and I are en route to Fort Hama to engage the attackers.”

On cue the black and white canine trotted into the room. The Mutt of Might, sensing her friend’s distress, went to Katarina and poked her hand with her snout. Responding to the prompt the trim blonde gave Glory a quick scratch between the ears.

“You two get going,” she said, “Those soldiers need you.”

The Exemplary Man nodded, and after one last encouraging look, charged off.


Coming Soon: Epitome and Glory vs. the Demolition Gang




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